How to be sure the person you’re marrying is the one

How to be sure the person you’re marrying is the one, is for those who are intending to take the bold step into bonding and starting their own family.

 Marriage is a lifetime decision and a commitment that once taken should last for a life time. This is why how to be sure the person you’re marrying is the one, becomes a very crucial question to answer and requires in depth digging to be sure you’re making the best decision. 

Before I proceed, I want to acknowledge that this is a very difficult question to answer. Throughout your dating period anyone you bump into and start having a thing for, starts feeling like the one, until the dark side of falling in love sets in, you can read my article on the dark side of falling in love. So you move from this person is the one to oh no, he’s not the one.  

So many persons try a lot of relationships just to be sure they meet the right one but often times they end up disappointed. I have been disappointed in relationships too just in case you’re facing one.

Before I go further I’ll like to throw away that notion that says there is a special somebody kept somewhere that you must marry and if you don’t end up with them, you will never be complete in life. That’s a big lie passed down to many generations by some religious doctrines and leaders. This same way of thinking has left many single, unmarried, separated and lonely. I heard of a couple who separated because a pastor told the woman her husband was misbehaving because he wasn’t the right man for her. This poor woman sued for divorce and the husband permitted. 

Many have lost it all in the search for the so called “special one”. Let me ask you a question, if the so called special one truly exists somewhere and you’ll get to meet them in your lifetime, what becomes of you, if something happens to this person like an untimely fatality like death; does it mean you’ve lost your own truest the one? If this were to be true then people should head to court demanding right over their supposed special one now married to other persons. Sounds funny, right?

Asking questions of how to know if the person you’re marrying is the right person won’t guaranty your marriage will end with envelopes of happiness and fulfilment or to that zenith of happily ever after forever. 

One important thing you should know before going into relationships is that no matter how hard his or her heart beats for you there would be trying times in every relationship and it takes two persons with high level of understanding to succeed against all odds in relationships.

Instead of asking if the person you’re about marrying is the true one, make a firm decision that the person you decide for will always be the one no matter what happens. Decide to seek gratification and bonding only from your spouse. If you do this, that person you’ve chosen becomes the one and only God’s ultimate plan for you.  This means even when the affection, physical attraction, emotional connection , common interests, compatibility and all what you share during happy moments are all gone, this person still remains the one. 

Making this person the special one depends on how much you get to work out things and test your weight on the beam of compromise. People will always get on our nerves; give us reasons to move on without them. Even when this happens you have to put in that strength of a warrior and make it a together forever battle. 

How much you love someone or how much they’re crazy over you isn’t a sure proof against divorce. If it were so, the society wouldn’t be facing a high divorce rate at this time. The war against divorce is solely your decision and not a measure of premarital love level. 

Since there is no such one only good enough for you, you should make sure you’re choosing your spouse from the so many men and women out there who I consider good for you. How did I even come to that conclusion that some persons are good enough for you? Am I saying everyone isn’t good for you?

 Yes there are some persons that’d fit perfectly into your life like the baby fits into the birth canal and there are also persons that’d never fit into your life. What makes the difference? Social science calls it compatibility and this is very important in choosing a life partner. 

You and would be spouse should be compatible in so many areas of life like sex, finance and spending habits, raising kids, religion, sexual orientations, hobbies, interpersonal relationships, dress sense, politics and many other aspects you can think of. This is also where compromise plays a big role, for example you may not be compatible in terms of favourite soccer club fanship but your willingness to keep your relationship may lure you into supporting same club as your spouse. It makes no sense being an Arsenal or Chelsea fan when your husband is a Manchester united fan like me. Usually the fans of these soccer clubs antagonize each other and if you’re not careful enough this might ruin your relationship.

 When you’re both compatible it makes it a lot easier to express love to one another. Compatibility breeds understanding and I as a person see this as the greatest form of love. That’s why the person you love would seem mean and evil to others yet you have a thousand reasons to be with them and feel special, this virtue is called understanding.

HOW TO TELL IF YOU’RE COMPATIBLE WITH YOUR WOULD BE SPOUSE

There is no perfect match for another, the little differences you feel with your partner is certainly normal and shouldn’t call for worry. Despite the differences, if you find someone you’re compatible with you’ll know.  In trying to broaden your horizon on how to know if the person you’re about marrying is the one, I have provided below how to know if you’re truly compatible with this person. 

1.       YOU KNOW THE SMALLEST THINGS ABOUT EACH OTHER.

Love breaks all your defences; it opens up secrets that even your closest relative may not know about you. A relative whom you share the same apartment with may not know you’re going out of the city but your loved one that lives miles away in another city or country knows. That is love, there is nothing kept under the carpet with a would be spouse who you both share mutual bond and compatibility. This person becomes the first person to know anything new in your life be it good or bad; also you know things about them that are hidden from the world.

2.       YOU IMAGINE A FUTURE TOGETHER:

If you and would be spouse can’t see a future together then is obvious you have serious compatibility issues. If two people disagree on virtually everything in life, there would be no point staying together. This kind of relationship is an impending catastrophe. If you share so many alignment and bonds you will see yourselves together even when the odds are against you. You recently had of the teen Indian couples that chose to die together because their families objected their love, as pathetic as it sounds they saw a future in dying together.

3.       YOU’RE YOURSELF AROUND YOUR SPOUSE NO PRETENCE:

There is nothing hidden before would be spouse and your life is plain simple. This only happens when two persons are bonded in intimacy. There would be no excuse to live a fake life before someone you love. In the face of others you may be a totally different person but when you’re with your spouse to be the story takes on a whole new dimension.

4.       YOUR SPOUSE INVEST IN MAKING YOU BECOME A BETTER PERSON:

If he or she is not investing into making your life more meaningful and and vice versa, then it’s obvious you have serious compatibility issues. Someone who truly loves you will use every opportunity to propagate your growth and make your life more meaningful. How much does this person think about your progress and how you can beat the odds in life? How often does this person think out solution that can put you on the pedals on success? This is one of the simplest predictor of genuine undying love that a man has for another. 

5.       YOU GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER’S FAMILY:

If the love is real then you’d love everything that has to do with this person. You will take time to be part of their family. Remember every successful relationship takes the families along. The family is often times the bedrock of every happy home.

6.       YOU TOLERATE EACH OTHER’S EXCESSES:

When you’re in love you’d tolerate things you wouldn’t ordinarily take from others. Usually what itches when you’re with others may become something pleasurable. If you’re quick to anger and judgmental with would be spouse then your compatibility threshold is considered too small to sustain the home.

7.       YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITIES AND APOLOGIZE WHEN WRONG OR WHEN ITS WHATS NEEDED TO KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP GOING:

When you’re in love you deflate your ego, saying you’re sorry will be one of the easiest thing to do to keep the relationship going. Sometimes apology becomes the sweetest form of love. If on the contrast you’re arguing all the time and both parties find it difficult to say sorry when wrong, it simply means both parties aren’t compatible.

8.       YOU HAVE STRONG CHEMISTRY:

This is the aspect of love beyond human comprehension. When two people are in love there is some level of emotional connection like that seen between mothers and babies. Sometimes you can predict exactly how the other person feels without even letting them speak. This chemistry should fuel the relationship and take it to the next level.

9.       YOU DON’T WANT HIM OR HER TO LEAVE:

When you love someone, saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do. If saying goodbye is easy for you or for would be spouse, then take my advice and don’t let that relationship move to the next level. If not worked out correctly the outcome may become disastrous. 

10.   YOU BOTH HAVE CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS:

Similar to what I described earlier about forgiveness and letting go. For this relationship to work you must possess a great deal of conflict resolution skills.

11.   YOU AGREE ON BIG ISSUES:

If both parties disagree on big issues then there would be no need finding a future together. These forms of discord may linger for a long time and even burn off the buzz of love and living together.

12.   YOU HAVE COMMON INTERESTS:

The more interests you share together the greater the chances of success at marriage and building a family together.

13.   YOU HAVE SIMILAR RELIGIOUS VIEWS:

It’s good for both partners to share similar religious philosophy. It is true we’ve seen successful unions across religions; the truth is such success doesn’t come easy. It is easier for things to work out when both parties have similar views on God, life, death and after death believes.

14.   YOU HAVE SIMILAR FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT VIEWS:

A spend it all woman or man may find it very difficult to cope with a save almost all partner. It takes some level of compromise and exhibition of wisdom to work things out in this situation. Before you say I do, make sure you can cope with this person’s spending lifestyle.

15.   YOU HAVE SIMILAR OF COMPLEMENTARY LOVE LANGUAGES:

Everyone have their love languages. Make sure your partner satisfies yours and you in turn satisfy them. Understand how best they appreciate love and how best you wish to be loved. This will go a long way to define the relationship.

16.   YOU’RE BOTH WILLING TO COMPROMISE AT SOME POINT:

 Love is all about compromise. If a partner wants to always stand on their right all the time, it shows the lack of ability to compromise and this shouldn’t be obtainable in a healthy relationship. 

17.   YOU CAN COMMUNICATE VERY WELL:

The ability to communicate both verbal and non-verbal; is the greatest gift to mankind. This person you’ve decided to spend the rest of your life with; must be someone you find it easy to communicate with.

18.   YOU INVEST INTO MAKING THE RELATIONSHIP WORK:

Most relationship today, only one partner usually does the investment financially to keep it going and this is wrong. Men love to be gifted as much as women do. Both parties should invest time, money and effort into making things work and there would be no divorce.

19.   HE OR SHE IS WILLING TO LET GO OF SOME HABITS YOU FIND OFFENSIVE AND VICE VERSA

We all have one or two dent in our character, this shouldn’t deter you in going into relationships especially if this persons is courageous enough to put away the various lifestyle you don’t find comfortable.

20.   YOU HAVE SAME SEXUAL ORIENTATION

If you want to be happy in marriage marry someone with the same sexual orientation. The greatest mistake you’d make is ending up with a lady that has feelings only for other women or a man that has feelings only for his fellow men. Make sure this person you’re deciding for will also meet your sexual needs and there would be no need for infidelity.

Finally the choice of a life partner is one of the biggest choices to make in life and should be taken with utmost care and caution. This post on how to be sure if the person you’re marrying is the one has gone to a great extent to broaden our eyes on what to look out for while making this choice. We would like to appreciate you for taking out time to read this post and also welcome your comments.